Thougths on Loss
by Jenn11
Summary: My take on what the 3 remaining members of Mutant X are thinking as they sit out on the mountain for the memorial of Emma and Adam. Told from each characters POV
1. Jesse POV

JESSE POV  
  
No regrets.  
  
Now why would I think that? I'm so far away from no regrets, that I can't even see it. There are a lot of things I regret. Mostly not telling Emma how I felt. I think she knew. I mean she is. . . was, a psionic. She even called me on my thoughts about her that time while we where alone waiting for Brennan to help that pilot. It's why I never said anything. After she said that I figured she didn't want me to see her like that. She wanted us to be friends and nothing more. But what if I was wrong? Now I'll never know.  
  
Of all sad words of tongue and pen the saddest are these, it might have been.  
  
OK. I must really be losing it. That's something Brennan, with his love of reading, would think of. Funny thing is, I don't even really care if I am losing it. We just lost two of our team; the woman I love and the man I really admire. I'm entitled to lose it.  
  
Adam, what were you up to? And, more importantly, why? I guess we'll never know now. Not for sure. Not with you gone. But don't worry, the team will stay together. Whether he knows it yet or not, Brennan will lead us, and lead us well. It good we have .. to help. With Emma gone we will need her.  
  
It's peaceful out here. Quiet. Brennan and Shal aren't talking. Well, neither am I. What is there to say? The people we really want to talk to are gone.  
  
I think Emma would like the peace here. With other people's emotions constantly bombarding her she didn't get much peace in her life. Yet she managed to help others feel peace.  
  
I guess Adam didn't know much peace either. He usually tried to hide it but I know the guilt ate at him and didn't leave him many peaceful moments.  
  
I hope you two are finally at peace now, wherever you are. Now the real question is how are we ever going to make peace with what happened. And what we learned about Adam. NO, we won't be finding any peace for a VERY long time. But I have to believe that we will. Eventually. 


	2. Brennan POV

BRENNAN POV  
  
Ya know, Emma, growing up I always wanted a sister. Then you came along and I felt like I got one. Yeah, you probably did know. You could sense it. Read it, read me. I wonder if you can hear my thoughts, wherever you are now.  
  
I wonder if you've seen what I've done. I killed two people, pretty much in cold blood. The Mind Leech I had to kill. It wasn't because of what she did to me. She knew Sanctuary's location, and all it's secrets. She, or others with her help, could have gotten into the computers and found all the new mutants we've put in the underground. Found all of Adam's research. I couldn't let that happen. But it doesn't make me feel any better. She was in a wheel chair. Helpless. And I killed her.  
  
Eckart, I killed because of what he did to you and Adam. What he did to us. I had finally found a family, and he destroyed it. He killed you and Adam, so I killed him. I'd like to say it was justice, and maybe it was. But it was mostly revenge. I wish you were here to talk to about all this. Instead of just talking to you in my mind.  
  
I wonder if you can hear my thoughts. The ancient Greeks thought the dead could hear when the living thought of them. If so you two are going to be busy, 'cause we are going to do a lot of thinking about you.  
  
Adam, despite my best intentions, you became something like a father to me. Yeah, we fought, and I rebelled. But isn't that how it goes with fathers and sons?  
  
When I first joined you mentioned that you had chosen the outlaws path for yourself. I thought you were talking about Mutant X not always playing by the rules. Now I have to wonder if you didn't mean the things you were doing behind our backs. What ever that was. I think we'll be learning more about what you were doing for a long time to come. But will we ever learn why?  
  
I also want to know what your real relationship to Eckart was and why this mountain meant so much to the two of you. Or at least he thought it did. Did you? Is that why you made our home here? Why? I just want to know why. Why Emma had to die. Why you had to die. Why the rest of us didn't. Why my old friend at the bar betrayed me to Eckart. Just why? 


	3. Shalimar POV

SHALIMAR POV  
  
I'm really mad at you, Adam. You died before we could fix things between us. And there's a lot about you that you never trusted us enough to tell us. I wish you were here to answer my questions. I wish you were her so I could let you know that no matter how mad at you I am. . . I still love you, and think of you as my second father. I have no idea how things will work out with my birth father. I'm mad at myself that the last time we talked was to argue.  
  
Emma, you I can't be mad at. You were a sister and best friend rolled into one. I'll miss that. I'll miss our late night girl talks. I'll miss going shopping with you. I'll miss a lot of things, but mostly I'll miss you.  
  
OK. I'm not seeing dead people, I'm talking to them. Even if I'm not speaking aloud, just in my thoughts. This really is crazy. But that fits since the world seems to have gone crazy. I think I really would go crazy without Brennan, and Jesse. Jess has always been the stable one. But he's hurting too. It's not fair to expect him to hold the rest of us together.  
  
As I look at this ring it's hard to believe Emma will never wear it again. That she won't come back in the door and say it was all a mistake. And as mad as I am at Adam, I'm going to miss him terribly. Who am I trying to kid? Going to? I already do.  
  
No matter what happened at the end, you took me in and helped me heal. You taught me what my powers were and how to control them. And I think you did love me as your daughter. That has to count for something. I have to believe that counts for something. Just wish I knew what. But I'm wishing a lot of things lately.  
  
I guess it's time. Time to put your rig by your names. Jesse did a good job of carving them. This just feels so final. Putting the ring on the small ledge. Seeing the names carved into the mountain. But I guess I always knew our story couldn't have a happy ending. Not in this world. And it fells like the story has ended. I suppose we're writing a new one know. Different characters, different world. At least it will be a world without Mason Eckart. I just hate that the price was so high. 


End file.
